beauty of falling in love

You know the beauty of falling in love?

And you know that even if the love later results in pain and suffering, that in no way negates or diminishes the original beauty?

For that beauty is the vitality that underlies the love itself, and grants it divinity.

mich

Today I had a talk with my parents

Today I had a talk with my parents on an issue which they felt extremely bothersome, but which I felt was only very minor.

When I was younger, perhaps this kind of discussion would have easily degenerated into a quarrel and harsh words, but nowadays, it does not. I have learnt to focus on the broader picture and the intent behind their message, rather than on my personal disagreement with or my dislike of their message. Somehow I have also learnt to navigate their personalities and understand what they need to hear to diffuse the situation.

As I told a couple of my good friends, maybe I have become an appeaser over the years, avoiding conflict with people rather than confronting them head on. I have told my friends I do so for "expediency", something which perhaps they did not expect coming from me, having known me in my more rambunctious moments.

Then again, the word "appeaser" may be too harsh a term to describe me. I would say that over the years, I have learnt that in the long run, it is better to work with my parents than against them, because I know their intentions are good. To me, that is the most important consideration, not whether I personally agree or disagree with their stand. Perhaps others who want to get along better with their parents could take a leaf from this.

My dad has long since lost the desire to reason or think about issues constructively. He is only interested in expressing his stand and making sure others agree with his view. He has no intention or desire of looking at an issue from different angles, or considering other viewpoints. He has no idea, or rather, he has long since refused to acknowledge that a person can have good or noble intentions even though he disagrees with that person's actions or methods used. He has stopped thinking long ago. To me, that is intellectual suicide. All he is interested in is his own narrow and limited worldview, a barren psychological landscape littered only with his own scattered thoughts. And all he wants is for people to agree to live on that barren land and plant their seeds only in that fruitless soil which can never spring them to life.

But I know my dad loves me truly and wants the best for me. Only he does not realize that what he wants me to do is commit intellectual suicide, which for me would be worse than physical suicide. And so, just as those who break unjust laws are in fact displaying the highest regard for the laws, perhaps by disobeying my dad I will in fact be displaying the greatest love for him.

My mom articulates herself far better, but like my dad, she is also dogmatic and only keen on getting others to agree with her. It is little wonder my mom and dad have rarely gotten along well all these years, when each one believes that they alone are correct on all issues. To them, there is no such thing as a "middle ground". It is their way or the highway.

However, both of them can get along with me, not so much because they have had perfect success in persuading me to embrace their values and accept their stand in all areas of life, but because I have always kept the channels of communication open at all times, no matter whether I agreed or disagreed with them.

Today they went to sleep peacefully without much worry over the silly little issue, not so much because I had surrendered all intellectual honesty to them, but because they know that they can always reach me wherever and whenever they want to, and I will always return to their side and offer a listening ear to whatever they have to say.

That is what has kept us from flying apart and going at each other's throats -- just that simple reassurance that the links and communications channels will always be maintained no matter what happens.

Another way to diffuse a tense situation in the family is to try to find common ground between all parties.

Today I found some common ground with my mom because we eventually wound up talking about my previous two relationships, and she realized that I agreed with her that those relationships were not good for me, that it was better for me to break up. And I told her that today, were I in the same relationships as before, I would have heeded her advice to break up, whereas in the past I would never have heeded that advice or even bothered listening to her. I think that gave her some measure of confidence that I was on the same side with her on at least some important issues.

SG men should be more responsible

Singaporean men must learn to be more responsible, and not lose sight of those who love them and depend on them while they pursue their goals, no matter how noble those goals are.

The winner is the one who stays in the game, NOT the one who goes for the kill.

Let the record show that I gently advise Singaporean men to be more responsible to their family and loved one(s).

The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

There is a time and place for everything. Singaporean men, your first duty is to family and love, not to heroic idealism.

The achievements of a general may be built on a thousand skeletons, but the achievement of a truly great man is built on the slow and steady work of responsibility, dedication, and commitment.

For reality may be a voting machine in the short run, but it is a weighing machine in the long run.

It is the long run, stupid.

mich

Everyone Needs Someone

Everyone Needs Someone

-Helen Steiner Rice

People need people and friends need friends
And we all need love for a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,
Not on success or on worldly fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers-
For only the knowledge that we're understood
Makes everyday living feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed
The outstretched hand reaching to find
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware
That life's completeness and richness depends
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends.

there is a part of nature that adores u

Remember always that there is a portion of nature that likes you, that admires you for who you are, that loves you for all your quirks and oddities. Remember always that there is a part of nature that adores you, that wants to seduce you, snuggle up to you and share in your warmth.

Whether or not that portion of nature is eventually manifested in a significant other, a real-life flesh-and-blood person, is immaterial.

Just remember this portion of nature that is absolutely delighted that you are you.

In between your random daydreams

In between your
random daydreams
There are hints of realities
beyond your knowing
That are a part
of our heritage

In your deepest
most creative moments
of inspiration
you realize that you are
connected to realities
that lie just beyond
the official thresholds.

The Heart of a Friend

The Heart of a Friend
by H. W. Longfellow

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?
Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.