eating words

Have you eaten your words before?

A long time ago I made with a pact with myself that I will never fall in love again.

But I fear one day I may have to eat my words.....

Do words go better with chilli, ketchup or barbecue sauce?

Old memories. Old poems. Old sentiments.

Personal Diary entry (from 2003):

Yesterday I re-visited an old internet home page that I constructed in 1998 and which I forgot all about since then.

Reading the old web site again brought back many fond memories. I found the writing and design to be a little simplistic and immature, but of course, that is probably to be expected given that so much time has passed. I also wrote quite a lot of bad poetry in the years 1991-1997; nevertheless I think those poems expressed my feelings somewhat and thus served their purpose.

But reading my old writings reminded me of the truths that I have always know, but have somehow neglected to think about over all these years. I found those truths comforting and reassuring.

Speaking of bad poetry I found yet another prime example of such in my old pen-and-paper diary. I penned this poem down, apparently on 7 Sept 1999, and I recall I did send it to someone. Gosh, what was I thinking?! I mean, how much worse can poetry get when it begins thusly: Dusk and day will pass me by, Aching heart have I to sigh ... I shall not continue. It is immature poetry and I probably embarrassed myself.

I think very negatively about the past 2 years on a daily basis. I have just thrown away all DL's photos and letters in a bid to erase the past from existence. I know it is a futile attempt, but the symbolism matters. Sometimes I visualize the past as a big drawing board and I can pick up an eraser anytime and erase it whenever I please. I feel like crying but somehow cannot.

Speaking of crying, there are some scenes in my favourite movies that always make tears well up in my eyes. One of them is in the Star Trek movie Generations starring Patrick Stewart (as Jean Luc Picard) and William Shatner (as James T. Kirk). There is this scene in which Picard explains to Counselor Dianna Troi about the loss of his nephew Rene --- about how his death in a fire means that now he can no longer go to school, or read books or listen to music or fall in love. Whenever I watch this scene I really wish there was someone watching it with me whom I could hug whose shoulder I could bury my face into. Maybe I can really identify with the movie, about this Temporal Nexus, which is an energy ribbon passing through the galaxy, in which time had no meaning and you could have whatever you wanted, in which, in Gyna's own words, joy was something you can wrap around yourself like a blanket. It's a kind of escapism. In the movie both Picard and Kirk were drawn into the Nexus but later realized that none of it was real.

Mending broken fragments

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

~ Margaret Mitchell

Do you agree with the above author?

Do you agree that if something is broken, it is best to leave it and not try to mend it, as the fractures will always display where the hurt was?

A mouse frightented me!! :-(

Two evenings ago as I was walking home ....
As i was passing by near a rubbish dump, suddenly a large rat jumped out of the drain and ran past my feet!!

Eeeekkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!

I screamed so loudly..... all the neighbours at the roadside apartments opened their windows and stared at me ....... I was SO embarassed!

Poor Michelle :-(

beauty of falling in love

You know the beauty of falling in love?

And you know that even if the love later results in pain and suffering, that in no way negates or diminishes the original beauty?

For that beauty is the vitality that underlies the love itself, and grants it divinity.

mich

Today I had a talk with my parents

Today I had a talk with my parents on an issue which they felt extremely bothersome, but which I felt was only very minor.

When I was younger, perhaps this kind of discussion would have easily degenerated into a quarrel and harsh words, but nowadays, it does not. I have learnt to focus on the broader picture and the intent behind their message, rather than on my personal disagreement with or my dislike of their message. Somehow I have also learnt to navigate their personalities and understand what they need to hear to diffuse the situation.

As I told a couple of my good friends, maybe I have become an appeaser over the years, avoiding conflict with people rather than confronting them head on. I have told my friends I do so for "expediency", something which perhaps they did not expect coming from me, having known me in my more rambunctious moments.

Then again, the word "appeaser" may be too harsh a term to describe me. I would say that over the years, I have learnt that in the long run, it is better to work with my parents than against them, because I know their intentions are good. To me, that is the most important consideration, not whether I personally agree or disagree with their stand. Perhaps others who want to get along better with their parents could take a leaf from this.

My dad has long since lost the desire to reason or think about issues constructively. He is only interested in expressing his stand and making sure others agree with his view. He has no intention or desire of looking at an issue from different angles, or considering other viewpoints. He has no idea, or rather, he has long since refused to acknowledge that a person can have good or noble intentions even though he disagrees with that person's actions or methods used. He has stopped thinking long ago. To me, that is intellectual suicide. All he is interested in is his own narrow and limited worldview, a barren psychological landscape littered only with his own scattered thoughts. And all he wants is for people to agree to live on that barren land and plant their seeds only in that fruitless soil which can never spring them to life.

But I know my dad loves me truly and wants the best for me. Only he does not realize that what he wants me to do is commit intellectual suicide, which for me would be worse than physical suicide. And so, just as those who break unjust laws are in fact displaying the highest regard for the laws, perhaps by disobeying my dad I will in fact be displaying the greatest love for him.

My mom articulates herself far better, but like my dad, she is also dogmatic and only keen on getting others to agree with her. It is little wonder my mom and dad have rarely gotten along well all these years, when each one believes that they alone are correct on all issues. To them, there is no such thing as a "middle ground". It is their way or the highway.

However, both of them can get along with me, not so much because they have had perfect success in persuading me to embrace their values and accept their stand in all areas of life, but because I have always kept the channels of communication open at all times, no matter whether I agreed or disagreed with them.

Today they went to sleep peacefully without much worry over the silly little issue, not so much because I had surrendered all intellectual honesty to them, but because they know that they can always reach me wherever and whenever they want to, and I will always return to their side and offer a listening ear to whatever they have to say.

That is what has kept us from flying apart and going at each other's throats -- just that simple reassurance that the links and communications channels will always be maintained no matter what happens.

Another way to diffuse a tense situation in the family is to try to find common ground between all parties.

Today I found some common ground with my mom because we eventually wound up talking about my previous two relationships, and she realized that I agreed with her that those relationships were not good for me, that it was better for me to break up. And I told her that today, were I in the same relationships as before, I would have heeded her advice to break up, whereas in the past I would never have heeded that advice or even bothered listening to her. I think that gave her some measure of confidence that I was on the same side with her on at least some important issues.

SG men should be more responsible

Singaporean men must learn to be more responsible, and not lose sight of those who love them and depend on them while they pursue their goals, no matter how noble those goals are.

The winner is the one who stays in the game, NOT the one who goes for the kill.

Let the record show that I gently advise Singaporean men to be more responsible to their family and loved one(s).

The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

There is a time and place for everything. Singaporean men, your first duty is to family and love, not to heroic idealism.

The achievements of a general may be built on a thousand skeletons, but the achievement of a truly great man is built on the slow and steady work of responsibility, dedication, and commitment.

For reality may be a voting machine in the short run, but it is a weighing machine in the long run.

It is the long run, stupid.

mich

Everyone Needs Someone

Everyone Needs Someone

-Helen Steiner Rice

People need people and friends need friends
And we all need love for a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,
Not on success or on worldly fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers-
For only the knowledge that we're understood
Makes everyday living feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed
The outstretched hand reaching to find
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware
That life's completeness and richness depends
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends.

there is a part of nature that adores u

Remember always that there is a portion of nature that likes you, that admires you for who you are, that loves you for all your quirks and oddities. Remember always that there is a part of nature that adores you, that wants to seduce you, snuggle up to you and share in your warmth.

Whether or not that portion of nature is eventually manifested in a significant other, a real-life flesh-and-blood person, is immaterial.

Just remember this portion of nature that is absolutely delighted that you are you.

In between your random daydreams

In between your
random daydreams
There are hints of realities
beyond your knowing
That are a part
of our heritage

In your deepest
most creative moments
of inspiration
you realize that you are
connected to realities
that lie just beyond
the official thresholds.

The Heart of a Friend

The Heart of a Friend
by H. W. Longfellow

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?
Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

A civilization of ideas and values

Personal diary entry, April 11, 2007:

Human civilization is a civilization of ideas and values. In each of our existences as part of the human race, we explore a vast myriad of ideas and concepts, and delve deeply into the complex web of interactions with our fellow men and women.

Right now in our world, mothers and fathers are exploring the meaning of raising a family, of commitment and responsibility. Romantic partners are exploring the ideas of love, fidelity, integrity, happiness, and the meaning of a shared destiny. All over the world, common men and women are exploring the ideas of human dignity, work, the struggle for achievement and recognition, morality, the meaning of wealth and freedom. Politicians are exploring the concepts of nation building, leadership, idealism versus realism, sacrifice, nobility, corruption, exploitation, slavery, violence, the meaning of democracy, individual and collective rights, peace and justice.

Human civilization studies these deeply profound ideas and issues and is embarking on an adventurous exploration of its psyche and its place in the universe. What is the individual’s role in human civilization? How does each of us contribute to this grand, cosmic undertaking, and what do we gain in return for our commitment and participation in this project?

Life is a process of actualization

Personal Diary entry, November 08, 2007:

We are first and foremost purveyors of sensation and experience. We must live our lives with a certain intensity. In that larger context there is no right and wrong, although there are lessons for the personality. In even larger terms, all lessons are already known to other aspects of the psyche. The entity seeks to realize itself in as many myriad forms as possible, to express its own subjective potentials to the furthest extent possible. Life is a process of actualization of the soul in flesh.

The issues of good and bad and the questions of life's tragedies cannot be answered in the context that they are asked.

the contract of marriage

From my personal diary, Monday, June 25, 2007:

From "The Sacred Script of Covenant": The marriage of soul and flesh is an ancient contract, to be honoured.

Now I realize that the contract of marriage between a man and a woman is a symbol for the ancient contract of the marriage of soul and flesh, wherein new offspring will be created that will continue both contracts, and replenish the Earth.